Discussing Autism

This weekend I received a bi-monthly update from my b5media managers that included information on how to effectively search out your blog status, name, and how people link back to your blog. You would think that after over a year of blogging that I would know how to do this but unfortunately, I didn’t.

Thank goodness it was easy (simply typing in a few keywords like my name or blog title into search sites like googleblogsearch.com, ask.com, and icerocket.com). What I found on one of my searches was a writer/father who was pretty disgruntled about my post about AJ’s institutional autism that I had posted at Chicago Moms Blog and the Chicago Tribune.

He starts out by stating that my choice of words when I referred to AJ as “the child” and that he was a “developmental mess” were completely inappropriate and that by then (a year ago) I should have considered him my son.

Since we adopted our son from Russia in the summer of 2005 we have struggled with him. From his fingertips to his toenails the child is a medical mystery and developmental mess.

His next comment, in my opinion, is quite rude. After I explained all of AJ’s medical issues (Institutional Autism, H Pylori, Severe Gastritis, food allergies, Gross and Fine Motor Delay, Receptive and Expressive Speech Delay, Post Traumatic Stress, Separation Anxiety, and Sensory Processing Dysfunction. He has also had three surgeries; ear tubes and 2 GI scopes) he commented that I was asking for pity…that because I did adopt the “perfect kid” I thought it was an inconvenience.

He goes on later to basically tell me to suck it up, to deal with life, to stop complaining about the little bugs my son brought back from Russia and just live with the fact that he won’t be a quarterback. He tells me that there is no reason for ME to be upset with HIS screaming because he has a right to scream because he just does not understand.

Then, he tells me I am crazy for believing in biomedical treatments and that I believe in smoke and mirrors if I take my son to doctors who believe in vitamins and minerals. I know that my son does not process some vitamins and minerals and I know for a fact that he does not get enough calcium because he is medically lactose intolerant (the most important thing we found out from these quacks).

And, even though our son’s autism is different, we are not using the same treatments as children with autism because the facility we went to treats individuals with deficiencies; they don’t treat autism.

Although I understand most of his opinions and where he is coming from (a parent and physician), what I don’t think he understands is the emotional attachment we have to our son and how much we will do for him, not to make him normal, but to help him be who he is supposed to be. We know that there is a smart person inside, one that is clouded by ear infections, stomach aches, and food allergies and intolerances. We know that he wants to be successful and social because of his actions.

So, are we supposed to sit back and not find ways to help him?

Are we crazy for treating him with vitamins to remove the toxins that he did have from exposure to heavy metals in Russia?

Are we crazy for loving him, for helping him, for aiding him in his struggle to find a way out?

Am I crazy for grieving the loss of a normal child?