Autism and the Bully
A hawk is a bird of prey, meaning that they hunt for their food using their keen senses. Bullies do the same thing; they hunt for the easiest target using their keen senses, the ones they have refined and nurtured, honed for years.
The prey is not always the weakest in the forest though but sometimes it may be the target that is most susceptible, the most unsuspecting, and the most easy to target.
Like the hawk targeting his prey, bullies frequently target children with autism to bully because they are, simply put, easy targets. They have difficulty making friends, they don’t understand the social norms, they don’t talk correctly, they don’t play the right way, etc. As a child, anyone who does not blend in to the group is automatically a target.
Yesterday at a family party we encountered three hawks who happily targeted their prey once they realized he was susceptible and unable to understand what they were doing.
As a parent I had to witness three children plot an attack against my son. They antagonized him, locked him out of a playhouse, teased him, pushed him, and frustrated him to the point that he lashed back at them. He kicked them and screamed at them and HE got in trouble by the other adults because they saw him being mean.
But, isn’t that always the case?
How am I supposed to deal with a situation like this? My husband and I witnessed it happening, knew it was going to happen because we watched the kids set the “ambush” up and we allowed our son to go over there because we wanted to teach the three kids a lesson.
As soon as we saw the action taking place we pulled our son out of the situation, pulled those three aside, and explained to them, for the second time, that what they were doing was wrong and that our son did not understand what was going on and that he was disabled (in terms that they could understand).
I am not sure if they understood this but I sure hope they did. In this case, what else are we supposed to do?
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:45 pm
I have two boys on the spectrum. Our youngest is having problems. Surprisingly, our oldest had few/none. You’d think it would be the opposite. I wrote about my oldest, if you were interested.
July 25th, 2008 at 6:58 am
WOW - how frustrating this is. My son has just been diagnosed on the spectrum and for the past 18 months at school has gone through the same problem particularly with 1 kid and still is - how do we help them????? Even the teachers and principal haven’t helped. He is seen as the bully as they only hear and see him return what he has copped!! ARGH!!!!!
February 6th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
My son was recently diagnosed with autism, I’ve known for some time that he was. He just turned 8.
I think it’s amusing to watch people who give us funny looks for the noises my child makes or the way he does something strange that seems to draw attention to himself. Though that isn’t his intentions, it is always the end result. These people are notorious for giving advice and tips, like they think they have experience. I also see these people let their own children run rampant all over the place, touching everything and annoying people far worse than mine ever could. In stores, in restaurants… It’s frustrating to deal with and I ignore most of them. It’s our coping strategy.
People who think their lives and children are so normal and so perfect think they are so much better, and they see themselves as these “Oh so perfect parents” Simply stated, they could never cope with a single day in our shoes. They can’t even see what kind of cruel things their perfect children are capable of. I watch every little thing my son does when he is with me. I see how he interacts with others. I see how others interact with him. I stand up for him because it’s my job. I tell people before they attempt to reprimand my child for anything, watch and see what kind of things are really happening with their own kids. When they’ve seen the real picture and who is really to blame, that’s when they can come speak with me and although my child can’t understand the apology, both of us will greatly appreciate to get one.
Stand up for what you know is right, and never be afraid of what someone else thinks. They can get up and leave if they don’t like it.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:17 am
Great site about autism. I don’t have an autistic child, but this was fascinating to me.