Discussing Autism

As the holiday season approaches I know that I am becoming more nervous about dealing with crowds, family events, festivities, and even just holiday meals and having vacation time.

But, we can work to avoid the holiday meltdowns as much as we can. Ultimately, the meltdowns will come…we all know that but we can certainly try to avoid them.


Meltdowns happen for our children when they cannot communicate to us, their routines are disrupted, their sensory functions are out of whack (think twinkling Christmas lights), and there is all together too much. We, as parents, are the ones in charge of keeping them safe and we are the ones in charge of keeping them in control of their own emotions and functions. Just how do we do that?

1. Keep a scheduled routine.
When we lived in Michigan and traveled home for these holidays we still put him to bed at 7 despite the holiday festivities. If we didn’t we knew the consequences would be disastrous for the next day. We had meals at the same time (we requested this of our parents) One set of parents was very accommodating to this request and the other was not. So, we fed AJ early and allowed him to play during dinner. This upset the parent but because we knew what was best for him (and we knew he physically had to eat at a certain time) we followed our own rules.

If you are not traveling sticking to a routine is still just as important, especially if a newly adopted child is used to having structure like school. Even though AJ has been home 2.5 years we still stick to routine and structure because he needs it. We enroll him in a special needs camp to keep him active or we structure his day with low-grade activity to keep him busy. An unstructured day leads to chaos.

Using a visual schedule like PECS is great. If traveling take along a travel PECS system. Social Stories also work great. Stores like the Therapy Shoppe have pre-made Social Stories for you.

2. Keep stimulation to a minimum.
To a newly adopted (or autistic) child stimulation is the root of all evil. Our first Christmas with AJ was spent at my parents house in Illinois because Grandpa Pickel was ill and we did not want to expose him to anything but we still wanted to travel to see him. My father was constantly turning on all the Christmas lights in the house and my mother got out every single Christmas decoration she could find (after we specifically told them not to). We had learned just after we put our Christmas tree up that AJ could not handle the lights because he would self stimulate by putting his face into the tree and staring at the lights for hours. We did not put any other Christmas decorations out either because we knew he would have trouble with them.

Lights, sounds, people all contribute to stimulation. Limit all of these things as much as possible and insist that others help you with this. If they can’t, then you must take it upon yourself to do it. We ended up clearing my parent’s living room, our bedroom there, and the kitchen of much of the decorations so AJ could not stim or get into things. It helped but we had to constantly explain to my parents about who he was. They are now getting used to it.

3. Teach calming techniques.
Try using relaxation techniques such as counting to 10, reciting the ABC’s or colors, massage, yoga, deep pressure, deep breathes.

4. Manage Transitions. The Oregon State Department of Education has an excellent transition plan; Notify, invite, engage, plan, and implement. For children this can be done in any situation. If leaving an event: notify your child that you will be leaving, invite them to leave with you, engage them in the join in the plan by implementing it…

5. Stay calm yourselves and get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can agitate everyone, including children. Make sure to keep nap schedules (if they still nap) and try to work some in yourselves.

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