I Hate Being That Parent
When it comes to Special Education parents often get ignored, thus the need for Advocates, Due Process, and yes, Court.
But, when it comes down to it…I am AJ’s best advocate and I am his parent, the one who knows him best. And I will have to fight for his services…hmmm advocate for his services for another 14 years. I just hate being that kind of parent that I complained about when I was teaching. You know, the one who didn’t agree with the classroom activities or procedures, or how the IEP was being followed, or how the teacher graded a particular assignment.
The problem is that I am being “that parent” right now because I don’t agree with the way they are meeting AJ’s sensory needs. I have sent numerous notes, emailed, and phoned and today I finally sat down with the OT to allow her to explain the programs she is using with him (and I even kept my cool, which is a major accomplishment). I don’t agree with one of the programs at all because cognitively and emotionally he is not able to understand it so I asked her not to use it and to stick to the IEP, which she agreed to do. The other program she had already modified to meet my take the instruction component out so I allowed that to continue.
What I don’t understand though is how programs can be used without parental consent if they are not specifically in IEP’s. Can anyone answer that?
I have written numerous posts about IEP’s, sat in on hundreds of IEP’s, had hundreds of Special Needs children in my classroom and I have never once tried to institute a program without first talking to the parent (and I have never heard of a Special Education teacher or an OT doing this either).
I was told today that when they create they IEP that they do not put modalities into the IEP and that they don’t need consent because when I sign the IEP I am giving them consent to make adjustments within the IEP and to use modalities that fall under the goals and objectives.
Is this correct? Can someone clarify this so that I understand this correctly?
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January 31st, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Marcie,
From all your comments about the instruction that AJ is receiving and his IEP components and your anger and unhappiness with the program …you might want to think about Home Schooling for him.
With your apparentl background in special education and having been part of hundreds of IEP conferences you seem to know more than almost anyone who is dealing with AJ. I wonder what the professional background is for all those experts that have AJ in the program. I am assuming they have the training and background to be making decisions about the instruction and programs they are using with him. And trust me no teacher or OT will make a statement like that unless they can back it up.
In your vast experience with children with Special Needs I guess you never made any decisions about how to TEACH a lesson. Was your every move in the classroom dictated by the IEP. Apparently no teachable moments were allowed in your classroom! I also can not figure out how you were part of “hundreds of IEP conferences” in your brief teaching career.
Maybe sometimes we need to listen and learn from other people and not assume that we are the only ones who have AJs best interest at heart. Real professionals want nothing but success for their students. MAYBE you should step back from being the EXPERT and be a MOM.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm
My brief teaching career was 10 years and I did attend meetings just about every week. I worked with special education kids everyday in my classroom and with the special education teacher’s help we made accommodations and modifications for the child that fit the IEP’s. But, we never changed things or started anything without talking with parents and that is my point.
I had a great relationship with AJ’s team last year and we communicated all the time about how he was doing and what changes were being made within the classroom. If I did not agree or did not think it was going to be effective it did not go into place. However, that is not what is happening this year. They do things without telling me, without asking me, without consent. I had idea they were doing things like Therapeutic Listening with him. To me, that is something they should be talking to a parent about.
I agree that professionals want success for their students but when they exclude parents from their plans and then state that they don’t need to tell parents what they are doing that is unjust. The parent is part of the IEP team and should be included in all plans.
February 3rd, 2008 at 12:07 am
Marcie,
The way I read your article was that your primary concern was not being included in the team decisions, as you have stated. It is true that many professionals do have the best interests of their students at heart, but that doesn’t mean they always know what is best. They cannot have the insight into our childrens’ minds and abilities like we, as parents, do. Being a special needs mom means ADVOCATING. It DOES NOT mean taking a step back and trusting the “experts” with the most important decisions you will ever make.
February 3rd, 2008 at 9:45 am
Kiersten, you are right. I just want to make sure that I am included in major decisions.
To the above poster, why would I home school when the schools have a legal obligation to provide him with an education?
February 3rd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Marcie: I wish I had answers for you. I don’t, but this is a thought-provoking article. Thanks for contributing it to this week’s Carnival of Family Life, hosted at A Child Chosen. The Carnival will be live on Monday, February 5, 2008, so I hope you and your readers will stop by and check out all of the fabulous entries included this week!
February 4th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
A lot of people with kids special needs choose to homeschool because it is a good fit for the family. Homeschooling does not mean that the IEP is abandoned–public schools can still provide needed services at no charge (part of that free and appropriate education the law guarantees for all students). I believe Tony Attwood has been on record recommending homeschooling for kids with autism, at least for certain periods of their development.
And, you are right, the substance of the IEP cannot be changed without parental consent. Signing the IEP is not a blanket endorsement for “do whatever you want.”
April 18th, 2008 at 7:09 am
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