Discussing Autism

Back in April of 2007 Reuters Health released a study indicating that mothers of autistic children may be prone to depression because they felt responsible for the cause or the outcome of their children’s disorder.

Most of the women I know are well educated women who know that they are certainly NOT the cause for their child’s disabilities, or at least not the direct cause. There certainly could be some sort of “genetic” component that ties in somewhere but it is my understanding that my friends don’t all feel that “mommy guilt” that the media makes us all believe we are supposed to feel. We all know that bad parenting is not the cause of autism and that refrigerator mothers don’t exist.

So, what are the real factors of depression for mothers of children with autism, and in my case, a mother of a special need’s child (one who has many autistic-like symptoms)? Lisa Jo Rudy at AboutAutism.com has an excellent list of reasons why moms suffer depression.

* Parents receiving a diagnosis of autism are also coping with the loss of many of their expectations of parenthood. At the same time, they are losing out on the “parent club” that may have sustained them - everything from exchanging playdates and childcare with neighbors to coaching the local ball team. We have found it increasingly difficult to find friends who can relate to us and vice versa. It is also very difficult to find friends who want their children to play with AJ, as most don’t want them to (and have actually told us this).
* It can be very tough to engage in normal social activity with a child on the autism spectrum. Social isolation is known to lead to depression. Since the cold weather hit AJ has refused to go outside except to go to school, go swimming, and go to camp. So, I have been inside the house since December. The only time I leave is to occasionally go to the store (and then it is by myself because he won’t go with me).
* It can be very expensive to treat a child on the autism spectrum. Many families go into debt to support therapies that are not paid for by insurance. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and anger. Although we have not gone into debt we do sacrifice date nights, going out to dinner, movies, vacations, etc…the things we really enjoyed before.
* Often, mothers with children on the autism spectrum wind up quitting jobs they enjoy (and income they need or want) in order to care for a child on the spectrum. This could certainly lead to depression. Our original plan (before we adopted AJ) was for me to go back to work when things settled down and to adopt another child and then stay home. I have been home now since the original adoption.
* Many children with autism have a tough time sleeping, and keep their parents awake all night. Exhaustion can lead to depression. Sounds very familiar to me.
* Parents who have to battle the school districts and state mental health agencies for any type of appropriate services are almost certain to run into issues and circumstances which are unacceptable - but over which they have little control. This is certainly depressing. Take Mommy Dearest, for example. She is currently single, raising two children, and fighting a monsterous battle with her school district (and the parents of the children in her son’s mainstreamed class) because no one in the school district quite understands autism. How can that possibly be in this day and age? And how is she staying sane (because she seems to be holding it together much better than I am right now.
* As children with autism grow older, parents often face “retirement” with full personal and financial responsibility for an adult child who depends upon them for everything. This can be quite depressing. My husband and I talk about this situation all the time…and are even contemplating building an addition onto our house so that AJ can have his own bedroom. Currently we have two bedrooms upstairs and a master bedroom downstairs, which my husband uses as the office because AJ could not sleep alone upstairs. With the baby coming home in the fall this could be a big issue.

Watch this You Tube explanation of why moms suffer from depression.