Discussing Autism

I was having a conversation with my special needs group Friday about frustrating trips to the grocery store, as many of my trips lately have been futile…ending as soon as I enter the door. AJ screams for the balloons he is infatuated with and we end up leaving before we even get to an isle.

But, if we do get to peruse the isles one of our first stops is the baby food section, which just happens to also be the toy isle (yes, thank you so much, Jewel!). AJ, at age four, still eats Beechnut baby food despite everything we have done to get him off it. With his hypoglycemia the baby food comes in handy at 2 in the morning and on car trips when he needs instant protein.

Halfway down the baby food isle/toy isle AJ is already screaming for a car so I usually pacify him with a 99 cent Hot Wheel (I know, bad mommy but I do tell him that he has to behave and from then on he does).

My point here is that I get stares from people who are upset that my child is screaming, hitting, kicking, and generally “disturbing” their shopping experience. My rule used to be that I was not going to let him control the situation and prevent me from getting something done. However, when he got too big for me to handle this was not an option.

At the grocery store he was able to reach behind him and throw things from the cart, grab things off the shelves, hit people as they walked by, and hit and kick me so hard that I was in tears. He actually threw something out of the cart one time after paid for it and it exploded in the exit isle of the store. He was screaming and laughing so hard that I never wanted to go back.

I then decided on a few rules;
1. The moment he started to act out I would give him one warning and then leave. I don’t care how full my cart is or where I am in the store. I leave. I either pull my cart to the service desk and tell them I am leaving (they see AJ and nod) or I tell the closest worker and give them my cart.

2. If I was within five minutes of finishing my shopping I finish and allow him to scream. I take his shoes and socks off for him (so he does not throw them at me) and open something for him to eat.

3. I ignore dirty looks and stares. If AJ is screaming then so be it…I can not control that anymore than I can control who he is. I have tried to pacify him, I have given him food, I have done everything I can for him in the given moment…

If the person who is staring at me can not understand that a child with special needs is upset then they need to walk away from me.

4. I try to be prepared in the first place. I do bring a few toys, a book, and snacks for him. Inevitably he wants a new car. Fine. 99 cents once a week is not going to break my bank.

5. I ALWAYS avoid the cleaning isle with him because of the toxins. I very quickly realized that he reacted to the smells in the isle. I get all of my cleaning supplies either from Sams Club when I go on the weekends with hubby or at Whole Foods.

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