The Aha! Moment
One of my favorite reads, Mommy Dearest, wrote Saturday about her Aha Moment, the moment you most remember after receiving your child’s diagnosis. 
When did you finally accept the diagnosis or have you not accepted it yet? I remember sitting on the living room couch, talking to my husband about how our son would never be attending prom or playing in Little League Baseball with the other children in the neighborhood. He would never be watching a girl walk down the isle or give birth to a child and he would never experience life like we have…with the “traditional” rites of passage.
I have talked often about how my son does not actually have an autism diagnosis but instead, is simply a special needs child. He has auditory processing disorder, visual processing disorder, sensory processing disorder, Post Traumatic Stress, Institutional Autism, and various medical issues.
We knew almost immediately upon coming home that he was not developing normally but we did not know the extent of his delays. After several months it became apparent, mainly through his aggression and his language delays, that he was not going to progress on normal “adoption” schedules.
My Aha! Moment finally came when we finally saw a Fetal Alcohol Specialist at the University of Michigan and she gave us information on Alcohol Related Neuro-development Disorder, a subsection of FASD, or Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. Because of his possible exposure (and because of the symptoms he displays) she diagnosed him with ARND, a very common disorder with children adopted from Russia.
Do I think this is detrimental for him? No. Do I think differently of him because of this diagnosis (meaning….do I look down on him because of this diagnosis?) Of course not…but I wish that others did not.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Not to be contrary for the sake of argument, but do you really think he’ll “never” do any of the things you list? I would hope given the “institutional” nature of the autism bit that at least that particular situation may be improved. (I won’t say “cured,” because I realize things are more complex than the typical public realizes.)
In my son’s case, I fully expect him to attend college, get married (if he is hetero,) have children (if he wants,) and so forth. Sure, at age 3 or 4 I wondered if he’d be participating in sports and all that, but this year he’s doing baseball, gymnastics, golf, and lacrosse. Many of those “rites of passage” started a bit later than for most kids, but he’s doing fine now.
Sure, he is quirky, but he’s still experiencing life.
Of course I recognize that others on the spectrum (or with processing disorders you mention) may have different symptomatology - but I guess I was surprised to read that you don’t think your son will marry, have kids, etc…
As always, best of luck!
April 16th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Gosh, I hope so. We have seen so much improvement recently and socially he is getting better. I just think that when het gets to be an adult he may have more social problems than we think or anticipate and I worry a lot about that.
I do expect that he can hold down a job, I want him to find a girl (he already expresses interest in girls at that normal…she’s cute age), and I hope that at some level he can participate in group activities.
I think that a few years ago I was more pessimistic but as time goes on I get more and more realistic. I do have to plan that he may, in fact, be with us forever and he can, if he wants. I also have to plan for group living situations so that someone can look after him and his medications (because for us, that is reality).
April 17th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I am glad things are improving - and I definitely hope they continue to do so. I realize anecdotes are just anecdotes, but I have heard so many stories about kids who have trouble when young but turn out fantastic later on.
Puberty can cause turmoil, or it can actually serve to correct some of the problems. Of course I wish for the latter, both for my son and for yours!
I know you are right to be realistic in anticipating what needs he might have in the future, but I hope you’ll be pleasantly surprised with his development.